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I am not ‘in love’ anymore.
Yup... you heard right.
Not as ‘in love’ as in the first months of romantic, airy-fairy dating.
‘I love’ as in: solid, stable, strong, comfortable, safe, warm, loving, caring.
On April 2nd I celebrated my 27th wedding anniversary.
And, the amazing thing is, we love each other more now than ever!
I always ask people who have been married for a long time,
“So what’s your secret? What is the key to a great marriage?”
These are some of the gems we have learnt from them, as well as our own marriage.
1. Give 100%, none of this 50/50 stuff!
2. Always wake up wondering what you can do for the other person.
3. Don’t sweat the small stuff (Glen dumps his clothes; I leave cups around the house).
4. Laugh a lot – don’t take life too seriously.
5. Stop thinking about yourself all the time.
6. Give each other lots of grace.
7. Give each other lots of space.
8. Be on the same page when you parent.
9. Find a mentor couple, a season or two ahead of you, to guide you.
10. Keep an agreed budget together.
11. Don’t keep score.
12. Have the same core values (religious, financial, leisure, parenting, etc)
13. It’s ok to have different interests.
14. Have sex often (oh yeah).
15. Always talk through big things.
16. Value one another.
17. Be thankful every day for one thing about your spouse.
18. Love on them even if they are not being very nice.
19. Find out what their love language is and focus on that (see below).
20. Never be afraid to seek counsel (mentor couple, pastors or professional).
Most importantly, be best friends. There are times when the love (and the lust!) tend to wane. Friendship is what holds you during that time.
Glen and I have gone through ups and downs. Some very down, some very up. But, we have held on, sought counsel and come out the other side.
Now we work together (and still like each other), sleep, eat, and vacation together. We also have our own individual interests and hobbies. The main thing we do is laugh!
Marriage is good!
Life is good!